April 25, 2024

*Cue the sad, mopey, emotional Sarah McLachlan song about how she will remember us while pictures of Twitchy peeps looking sad and hungry go by on the screen*

Friends, did you know that for just $.13 a day, you can keep a Twitchy Editor or Writer from ending up on the streets? Or on Biden’s welfare programs? It’s true. Well, not exactly (everything is freaking EXPENSIVE and getting more expensive under Biden), BUT that $.13 a day will at least help us keep the lights on around here. As an added bonus, for your $.13 a day, we’ll send you a picture of the editor/writer you’ve adopted, plus provide updates about the difference you’ve made in their lives. Okay, we won’t really do that because, to be fair, I’m not sure any of you really want pictures of the maniacs around here, but I digress.

This time around, we have our Monday Morning Meme Expert, FuzzyChimp, and our local PBS-Type writer, Coucy, up for adoption. I have been reassured both are potty-trained and Coucy has been crate-trained. I think. I hope.

Heh.

Goofiness aside, friends, readers, fellow freedom-lovers, conservative media is at a crossroads, and, if I can be bluntly honest, the only way it will survive is through direct reader support. Sadly, we live in a time where truth has been tossed aside to make room for “equity” and insane pieces about trans-women being able to breastfeed. And the lunatic who wrote the story about men being able to breastfeed? They won’t be censored or silenced, BUT if I write a piece making fun of just how insane-o they really are, pointing out that men CANNOT breastfeed, they’ll censor me. 

I wish I were kidding, but if you read Twitchy, you know I’m not. 

Hence, why I’m asking you to sign up as a Twitchy VIP Member. Again. I know I’ve asked you before, and guys, I’ll ask you again because things have progressively (pun intended) gotten worse for right-leaning sites like ours.

The hard truth is that right-leaning media will always need our readers to keep us going because we buck the trend and refuse to cave to comfortable narratives. Seriously, wouldn’t it just be easier for us to give up our principles, get a lobotomy, and start writing for The New York Times? Especially since more and more of our content is being “flagged” by Big Tech goons due to certain hot-button issues we’re supposed to ignore because telling the truth about them goes against the NARRATIVE, and we all know THAT’S a big no-no. Issues like election interference, COVID (still), abortion, the T R A N S thing … the list goes on and on. And it continues to grow every day.

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As a Twitchy VIP Member, not only do you get extra RAD content, podcasts, and videos, but you are also doing your part to piss off the Biden administration because you are helping a bunch of right-wing CRAZIES like us hold them and their crap agenda accountable.

Win-win, right?

Not enough? Sheesh, tough sell. Here are some other reasons why signing up for a Twitchy VIP Membership is an awesome idea:

  1. Your membership helps guard against evil spirits and bridge trolls.
  2. It’s low-calorie. Heck, even no calorie.
  3. All the hip kids are doing it.
  4. For every person who signs up after reading this article, we’ll make Hunter Biden cry.
  5. Alyssa Milano blocked us (and me, how rude!).
  6. Tom Arnold once asked to intern for us (I’m not kidding).
  7. David French is still NOT a fan.
  8. John Fugelsang calls us an “amoral attack site.”
  9. AOC thinks we want to date her.
  10. We’re freaking AWESOME. Especially Chimp and Coucy, who I totally think you should adopt.

See? All that and much more for just $.13 a day as a VIP Member, OR $.24 a day if you’re a big spender and sign up for a VIP Gold Membership. And did we mention you’ll get a fully AD-FREE experience? On the site, in our THM News app, and in emails! How could you not sign up?! Okay, don’t answer that because we know all too well that people can absolutely not sign up, but man, oh man, we’d love it if you did. Also, just because I’m super cool, I’m going to give you a code that will take 50% off your membership … NO REALLY. Use code CENSORSHIP when you sign up and save BIG.

Plus, you’ll keep a Twitchy editor off the streets! Ahem.

“I will remember yoooou, will you remember meeeeeee …”