February 21, 2024

Y’all. This writer cannot begin to express how GIDDY she is to bring you YET ANOTHER Alabama Man story, and this time, we don’t know how anyone could top this one. This will go down in infamy. The sheer logistics required to pull this off are impressive. This makes four stories for Alabama Man so far, and 2024 is just getting started!

Oh yes, dear readers! You read this correctly. Alabama Man stole a whole-a** 200-foot radio tower.

via GIPHY

One would think that security cameras were in place, or sensors, or something … but this wasn’t discovered until landscapers arrived the next morning and called the station owner, Brett Elmore.

The phone call documented by AL.com is truly something to behold. Check this out:

Brett Elmore, owner of WJLX in Jasper, then received an unexpected, and baffling, call.

‘He said, ‘Brett, we’re down here and the tower’s gone.’

‘I said, ‘The tower’s gone?’ and he said, ‘Yeah, the tower’s gone.’ ‘

The landscaper assured Elmore he had walked the property, and the massive steel tower was nowhere to be found.

‘I said, ‘It’s a 200-foot tower. You would see it somewhere if it was laying around,’ Elmore said.

Being an Alabama native herself, this writer can confirm that that is one of the most Alabama phone calls she’s ever heard! But that’s not the end of it. Another small building on the property was vandalized as well.

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The small transmitter building had also been vandalized. At Elmore’s direction, the landscaper looked inside and described what he saw – a wooden table, a metal chair, and a box fan.

‘And then I knew. I said, ‘Something bad, bad has happened,’ Elmore said. ‘The transmitter was gone.’

‘I’m stunned,’ Elmore said. ‘I was like, ‘Oh my God.’’

‘It’s one thing to break into the building and steal the transmitter,’’ he said. ‘But it’s another thing to steal a 200-foot tower.’

Well yeah, Elmore. We’d say so, too.

Now, this tower was only for an AM site, the FM site is in another part of town. The estimate to rebuild the tower is more than a tiny market station can afford, and Elmore shockingly did not have insurance on the property. Jasper Police Department is still investigating.

Probably from the Bass Pro Shop, but as we know, Alabama Man No. 1 apparently had no use for them.

Elmore guesses that the copper would be stripped and the rest of the tower would be sold for scrap.

We. Are. DEAD.

Nah, but if you ever meet someone from Jasper, AL, they are the living embodiment of ‘hey y’all, hold my beer and watch this!’

Darn tootin’!

Right? Doesn’t that just butter your biscuit?!

As funny as this is, the government will always find a way to be the steaming hot pile of garbage that we’ve come to expect.

All fun and joking aside, though, if anyone reading this happens to have any information, call Jasper police 205-221-2121 and give them the heads up!

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