December 1, 2023

Sometimes a self-own happens that’s so perfect that you have to wonder if the person in question is trolling. Since we are talking about Joe Biden, though, the assumption is that he and his handlers actually do lack any and all self-awareness. 

Monday was the president’s 81st birthday because keeping people in high-level government positions until they are barely functioning is apparently just a thing we do now. It’s working out so well too. You know, with all the extreme competence being displayed on a daily basis.

Just kidding, Biden set his birthday cake on fire.

I’m going to make a suggestion, controversial as it may be, but if you have to put so many candles on a cake to mark your birthday that it goes up like a George Floyd protest, maybe you are too old to be president. 

Imagine being the staffer who had to prep the cake. You go to college, get a degree, network for years, and finally what you think is your dream job only for it to be tediously putting 81 candles on a birthday cake so the president can grin like a Cheshire cat as the world burns around him. It’s a tough scene that wasn’t lost on those responding as the picture went viral.  

That cake is all of us. It’s the single mother who has to work two jobs to make ends meet because grocery prices have skyrocketed. It’s the father who has to go to his kids and tell them there’s no vacation this year because he can’t keep his head above water financially. It’s the Afghan woman forced back into sex slavery while American politicians celebrate her suffering as a victory. It’s the family that had planned to buy a house but has to postpone their dream indefinitely because interest rates have tripled. 

At least Biden seems happy, though, and isn’t that what really matters here? Sure, the nation is in dire straits, but as long as our geriatric president is enjoying himself as he lives out his last days in taxpayer-funded luxury, then all is right with the world. Now go apply for that third job.