February 21, 2024

After a grueling fight to ‘free’ the totally real animals from their cage on the old-school packages of Barnum and Bailey’s Animal Crackers in 2018, PETA is once again taking on the fight for nonexistent animals. Hallelujah, holy crap, where’s the Tylenol??

PETA is currently outraged at ‘normalizing the use of animals’ … via carousels.

Yep. Now merry-go-rounds are a violation of animal rights. We wish we were making this up.

Sigh. Everything is stupid and it’s only going to get stupider.

PETA claims that animal figures on merry-go-rounds are ‘exploitative’, and coming from the animal rights organization responsible for massive numbers of euthanizations in shelters across the country, that’s freaking RICH. 

‘PETA continues to euthanize the majority of the dogs and cats that it takes into custody. Furthermore, PETA’s 2020 euthanization rate for dogs, cats, dogs and cats combined and all animals combined shows little change from 2019 and continues to range from 57 to 73 percent’.

The neigh-sayers on X were quick to say what we’re all thinking, too.


We would say that PETA is beyond parody at this point, but we absolutely trust our friends over at The Babylon Bee to make hilarious miracles happen!

Amen to that.

What’s depressing is that you just know most PETA staff and volunteers are leftists who have no problems whatsoever with dehumanizing and killing unborn human children. The level of self-delusion that this dichotomy requires is staggering. Animals deserve protection, but our own children are disposable. You can’t make that make sense.

They wouldn’t listen. We’re not talking about the most stable people on the planet.

They can pry Hugsy, the bedtime penguin pal, from this writer’s cold, dead hands!


According to Fox News: ‘Children learn through play, and teaching them to have respect and compassion for all living, feeling beings can help create a more just and merciful world,’ PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said in a press release.

LOUDER SIGH. Can parents not teach their children this already?

If it weren’t so pitiful, it would almost be a nightmare.

If they’d just ride off into the sunset, we’d all be happier.

Only whinny wants to, and not a second sooner!

Giddy-up, kids. Who wants to ride the most terrifying merry-go-round in the world?

We’re just thinking about those poor carousel builders who are saddled with THAT gruesome task …

YES! Stop being such killjoys and just leave the kids alone and let them enjoy things! 

Whoaaaa, Black Beauty. Calm down and stop looking for things to be upset about. You’ll have a much happier life.


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